Dear Bunmi,

We have lived in one of the government high-rise buildings for years and are friendly with most of our neighbours. My husband had a regular job before he was retired but now works from home and is doing well.

A few weeks ago, I came home to find one of our neighbours and she was hopping mad.

She said her 16-year-old daughter was asked to buy a packet of cigarettes by my husband. When her daughter returned with the cigarettes, my husband lured her to the bedroom and raped her. She said her husband had gone for the police.

It was a shock. I felt so humiliated and when my husband came in, he showed no remorse whatsoever. He said he’d watched the teenage girl moving in and out of the flats, offering sex. All he wanted was a piece of the action. I felt so ashamed.

I didn’t know which hurt more, my husband’s remorseless admission or my own humiliation.

Since he was retired from the force, the police were a bit lenient with him and urged that the dispute be settled amicably. It took a while, but we did just that.

Only now, I see my husband as a pervert and wouldn’t allow him to touch me. He said I was being silly, that the girl wasn’t even a virgin. Is this the end of my marriage?

Ndidi,

by e-mail.

Dear Ndidi,

One thing you should never be surprised about is the fact that men and women can sometimes behave in ways that are depraved. I quite understand your shock and consternation, but your husband’s indifference shows that cheap thrills mean nothing to him and his only remorse would be that he was caught.

If you love your man and he is still interested in the marriage, you just let him see the moral implication of what he has done. Don’t put him through the third degree as if he were on trial, but let him see how much he’s humiliated you.

For the sake of your marriage, I hope he has a change of heart, otherwise he might just do it again.