You are here
Home > Columnist > I HAVE STOPPED!



Please follow and like us:

  • 0
  • Share

Chukwuneta Oby
[email protected]
08139149577 (SMS only)

I caught up with a friend recently. Our gists(usually) borders on a lot of life’s issues. He brought up the gist about a lady(a single mother of two) that he admires so much, especially what he called “her drive.”

The way he was going on and on about the lady’s attributes(followed by a huge sigh) made me realise that it’s no longer admiration but unconscious comparison, most likely directed to ‘the woman’ he has at home.

What he doesn’t understand is that, that lady is on her ‘A game’ because that’s just about the most credible option she has as a single mother. She probably would not drive herself that hard if she had ‘support’.

I mean, deep down, every woman still wants to be taken care of.

I think it’s largely misleading to ‘conclude’ on people without making efforts to also put their circumstances in view.

Someone once claimed to have received a ‘hate inbox’ from a lady who claimed that all her husband did at home was compare her to the ‘virtuous woman’ he reads her relationship ‘advice’ on Facebook.

But when the ‘shit’ of that marriage (like every other marriage) splashed on the fan (of the social media), I could only think of the poor husband and wife -who conducted their marital affairs by other people’s standard and really hoped ‘their eyes have cleared’.

There’s this shopkeeper (that I patronise in the market), who always “darling” me. And then he would follow up with “I just love your person”.

The smile I give him holds a lot.

To start with,  his ‘heavily pregnant’ wife (she had triplets…all boys) at the time continued to ‘report’ to the shop until we heard that she’s had her babies.

I remember the numerous occasions that I fought so hard within me not to express my irritation at the setting, especially on seeing how much all that ‘customers’ wahala’ stressed her. And then, when she finally had the babies, it was a jubilant me that heaved a sigh of relief, knowing that she would be allowed ample REST at home; probably with her relatives waiting on her.

 How wrong I was!

Within three months, she was back to the market with a sleeping mattress for her babies.

I learned the husband instructed her to start coming to help out in the shop, instead of staying idle at home.

Who calls dealing with toddling TRIPLETS “idleness?”

I still don’t know which irritates me more; his seeming insensitivity or her ‘over goodness’?

I have never stopped wondering if some of us who idealise others actually realise that the real GEM could be the person you have at home.

Take the human being that ‘darlings’ me for example; marriage (to my type) will probably pack up within DAYS!

A few years back, a girlfriend (a mother of four) had issues with the husband. The next thing I heard was that she had moved out of the house with the children.

Trust men (who know ‘how far’) the husband simply chose to look the other way.

Within months. I received an SMS from her in the middle of one night.

The only content of that particular SMS read “is this what single mothers and widows go through?”

Days after, she moved back home on her own and began to address her husband as DADDY!

You see, I stopped idealising people or the circumstances of others the moment I came to the realisation that most settings are not always as they seem, there are usually cracks (somewhere) you just get closer.


What is worth emulating in anybody,

What is worth celebrating in the circumstances of others,

…I yield to *I cannot come and be a ‘bad belle’* but the rest of my energy goes into making efforts to become a better me!

Copyright PUNCH.
All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.

Contact: [email protected]

(Visited 1 times, 1 visits today)
Facebook Comments

Please follow and like us:

  • 0
  • Share

Leave a Reply