DOLAPO AKITOYE writes on the suitability or otherwise of inviting one’s ex to one’s wedding
The Royal Wedding is one of the most discussed events so far this year. It was a moment of excitement and celebration to watch Prince Harry tie the knot with Meghan Markle, a divorced American actress.
It was a monumental ceremony carefully monitored by many people across the world. There were about 600 guests who got a chance to watch the wedding; among them were Chelsy Davy and Cressida Bonas, the ex-girlfriends of Prince Harry.
While this may seem strange to some, it is not new to the royal household. Prince William had at least four of his exes during his wedding to Kate Middleton in 2011 and his father, Prince Charles also had his ex, Camilla Bowles (who is now his current wife) at his wedding to Princess Diana in 1981.
However, the development did not stop a debate on social media on the appropriateness or otherwise in inviting one’s ex to one’s wedding.
According to a psychologist at the University of Ibadan, Prof. Peter Olapegba, inviting one’s ex to one’s wedding depends on a number of factors.
He said, “One, it depends on the nature of the breakup – the things that led to it and all of that – and if it was not a nasty breakup and one is still friendly with one’s ex, then such person can be invited. However, this can be done, provided the partner and his or her family is aware that the ex is being invited. As long as they are sure that the relationship is strictly platonic, then, it can be done. People can break up and remain friends and if this is the case, then there is nothing wrong with inviting them.”
A man in his late twenties, Ebuka Obimma, agreed with Olapegba’s assessment of the issue. He noted that he would be comfortable inviting his exes to his wedding because he still maintained a friendship with them.
“Yes, I will invite my ex to my wedding because I’m still friendly with them and most of them are married,” he said. He also stated that he would be comfortable if his partner decided to do the same because he trusted her.
Obimma added that he attended the wedding ceremonies of some of his exes and he felt almost like attending a friend’s wedding.
A woman in her early twenties, Dayo Olaoluwa, also shares the same thoughts on the issue. She explained that she would invite her ex to her wedding because they ended their relationship on a good note.
She stated, “We are friends and I don’t see anything wrong in inviting him to come and celebrate with me and watch me marry the real love of my life.”
However, regarding her partner inviting his ex to their wedding, she said she would only be fine with such if she was sure that his ex no longer had any romantic ties with her.
While there are those who do not see any problem with an ex being invited to their wedding, there are those who believe that it is an inappropriate thing to do.
A marriage counsellor, Pastor Oseyomon Robert, said inviting one’s ex to one’s wedding was not a good thing to do. He told our correspondent that it was not advisable to do so.
“Marriage is a stage above friendship. The person one is going to spend the rest of one’s life with is more important than a previous lover, so one should not jeopardise one’s relationship,” Robert said.
On her part, Mrs. Bola Irabor said she didn’t invite her ex to her wedding. According to her, naturally, she doesn’t keep in touch with her exes. Irabor stated, “That is my own policy and when I noticed that my husband was still talking to his ex when we had started dating, I made it known that I didn’t like it and wouldn’t appreciate it and he agreed to it. If you want your ex, stay with her and don’t drag me into it. But if you say you are done with her, then be done.”
A woman in her early twenties, Millicent Akinwande, also said she couldn’t invite her exes to her wedding because “they are not in my life anymore; so, I really don’t care about them.”
Olapegba was of the view that inviting one’s ex to one’s wedding could lead to suspicion and destroy the trust between new couples. Akinwande also supported Olapegba’s position. She noted that though she was not insecure, her partner’s decision to invite his ex to their wedding would make her wonder why he took such a decision.
Akinwande added, “I would not be comfortable with my partner inviting his ex because I’d start wondering how cool he is with his ex to invite her to one of the biggest events of his life. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it because this is someone he once had a romantic affair with and I’ll be spending the rest of my life with him.”
For Ibrahim Ayenajeh, despite the fact that he would like to believe that he could be comfortable with it, he just wouldn’t like the idea of inviting his ex to his wedding.
Another man, Daniel Ogor-Igbosuah, said he would only be comfortable with his partner inviting her ex to their wedding if the ex was either married or they were platonic friends.
Olapegba further said if one’s partner wouldn’t be comfortable with one’s ex being around on one’s wedding day, the best thing was not to invite him or her.
He said, “Doing so, knowing your partner will not like it, can lead to suspicion. The safest thing is not to invite the ex. But if you are going to do it at all, let your partner know and keep the trust intact.”
Also, Robert advised partners not to mix their old lives with new ones.
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