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More things to say about unending sexual pleasure (2)

More things to say about unending sexual pleasure (2)

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Funmi Akingbade

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08034540594, 08156047309

Imagine how you’d feel if he told you that you never did anything right to please him. You’d want to know what it is that you can do to make him feel nice.

 Some say, ‘our case is different, we work round the clock.’ Yes, it is common in relationships for couples to work round the clock. But then, who said that sex has to happen at a certain time, in a particular place, for a particular period of time? You could either meet up for lunch at a guest house and have the best of sex or wake up at the middle of night and have a passionate sex. Although, this may not seem like much of a long-term solution, it is the best way in which you can preserve intimacy.

 ‘I’m too tired for sex tonight.’ Well if you have an energy sapping, task filled activities kind of job, you have the luxury to present this excuse to brush off almost everything that you do not want to do and that includes sex. But be assured that sex will not take a whole night to end and spoil your sleep. In fact, it will help you sleep better. Moreover, if you really can’t think about sex, you can wisely present it to the partner that is burning with desire in such a way that it will not subject your marriage to relationship turbulence.

 Some say oh, I can’t miss my favourite soap opera, there is too much to see on the T.V; no matter how lame this may seem, entertainment does have more significance than real life, sometimes. Even though staying up a night to watch your favourite soap opera or reality show when your partner goes to bed is all right but picking fictional characters over your spouse over the years can hurt the relationship. Experts suggest that powering down all the electronic equipment at least an hour before getting to bed can make things more favourable for couples.

Oh, not again, I thought we already have enough sex, is sex your food? We often tend to compare our sex lives with that of somebody else that we come to know of either in the office or elsewhere. What matters is not the number of times that your best friend has sex with her husband but the number of times that he or you want it. An average number should depend on your spouse’s need and your sensitivities to each other’s happiness and satisfaction. Wives particularly think a great body equals a great sex, so when they think they are not looking good, they say, ‘I don’t feel very nice about body right now’. While on one hand, women put their vanity over intimacy, on the other hand, all men think about is that they want you and not whether they have mascara on your face or a ‘fall down dead’ thigh. If you think that you are fat and losing some pounds would make you feel better about yourself, then go ahead with it. The very thought that you would set forth on your route to a better frame will make you feel better about yourself. You could also get yourself a new lingerie or haircut to feel better.

Also, I have come to gather the facts that there are some couples who always seem to have the near to perfect sexual relationship and then, there are most others who have a really hard time staying contented in their relationship because the sexual side of the story is almost nothing to write about.

One of the principal secrets a couple need to know is the recipe for perfect romance and sex. And it needs just two ingredients, unconditional love and wild sexual passion. When it comes to wild passion, couples are advised by sex therapists not to ignore the clitoris. The clitoris when well-handled gives both husband and wife the best of sexual pleasure.

The clitoris, often described as a small penis, is actually the female version of the penis although much smaller than the penis, has exactly the same number of nerve endings like the penis. The clitoris is actually really big; it is behind the labia and surrounds the vagina. The visible parts of a clitoris are the hood; the frenulum, where the skin of the inner lips meets at the glans; the clitoral opening to the vagina; the hymen; the fourchette; the perineum; and the urethra. The woman’s vulva which is a fatty layer of skin, mostly covered by pubic hair surrounds and protects the clitoris.

 The clitoris is the key for sexual pleasure for most women and unless it is touched, stroked, licked directly, most females would not be able to have an orgasm. Just as a husband gets most but not all of his sexual pleasure from his penis, the wife gets most but not all of her sexual pleasure from her clitoris while few women dislike direct contact. The clitoris is harder to find than the penis because it is hidden under a hood and it is also a delicate organ and must be handled as such.

The clitoris swells slightly during arousal, and then retracts under the clitoral hood as arousal continues and the clitoris becomes hypersensitive. This means when a female is feeling sexy, her clitoris fills with blood and swells up. The outside part doubles in size (like the size of a large pea) and feels hard. It is packed with nerve endings (it has around 8000 nerve endings, this is twice as many as the end of the penis) and is very sensitive. This is why lots of married couples like to touch it lightly at first during foreplay.

Many husbands sometimes misinterpret the “disappearing clitoris” as a sign of diminishing arousal in their wives; in fact it is the exact opposite. The shaft of the clitoris runs up under the hood for cover and protection when extremely aroused. This hood covers the clitoris, protecting it from excessive stimulation, and stimulating the clitoris as it slides over it in response movement.

Some husbands sometimes think they need to retract the hood to get to the clitoris when manually or orally stimulating their wives, but this is unnecessary. At best, it can only result in over stimulation that borders on pain. Dried secretions known as smegma can collect under the hood, causing pain during sex.  A man knows that a wrong sort of touch to his penis will not only fail to give him pleasure but may cause intense pain. However, many men fail to realise that a rough touch to the clitoris can also cause pain to the woman. The reason most men make inadequate lovers is that they do not know where the clitoris is, nor do they understand the importance of this organ and how to stimulate it.

 Now for better sex, couples must know how to handle the clitoris and its environs. Firstly, it is important the clitoris is gently stimulated by gently squeezing the clitoris at the initial stage of sexual contact. When the husband gently squeezes these folds of skin between his fingers, he’ll immediately feel the pressure it puts on his wife’s clitoris in her facial expression. A feel of ‘it feels really good’ while keeping the folds of skin firmly between your fingers, start to move your hand from side-to-side or even up and down. Doing this will feel much, much better!

Remember that different people have different preferences, so make sure to play around with this technique and experiment with squeezing different areas until you find what she prefers. Feather light touch, this next clitoral stimulation tip is really easy and kind of the opposite of the previous one. With ‘The Squeeze style,’ you may be using some form of pressure but ‘Feather Light’ is completely the opposite of this. When using Feather Light, you are going to be using an absolute minimum of pressure on her clitoris, almost to the point where it will feel more like soft vibrations.

To get set up, make your wife lie down on her back and rub a small amount of lube or saliva on her clitoris. Next, you are going to bring your finger to the side of her clitoris so that it’s just about touching it. It should feel like a feather is touching the side of it. You shouldn’t have your finger covering her entire clitoris. Instead, it should be just touching the side of it.

All you need to do is simply move your finger up and down, while keeping in contact with the side of her clitoris. You will only be moving your finger a few metres up and down. So, you will hardly be moving it at all. In fact, it will feel more like gentle vibrations more than anything else. While doing this, you will notice the tension building up in her as she may start desiring more pressure. When you continue with this, you would have developed a very good hard on and before you know it, both of you are experiencing a good climaxing sex.

I need to emphasise here that sexual prowess, velocity, and satisfaction mostly can be a challenge especially wanting to go for more than two rounds at a go especially at old age. Many men regardless of the good libido as they get older still find their performance just below the belt as in below average, your challenge might just be diet related.

It has been globally accepted that food and drink play significant roles in defining our total health and of course our sexual agility and longevity cannot be ruled out.

 Many men have eaten themselves to the point that their sexual health cannot be redeemed, most of the foods many men enjoy eating are at the root of major life-threatening sexual diseases and illness. Contrary to popular opinion, old age is not a disease, nor is the reason for the sexual challenges many men are plagued with; so instead of blaming your inability to perform well on old age, take a good preview and review on your lifestyle especially the eating habit.

Researchers have come up with statistics that whatever a man or women eats from year ‘O’ to year ‘50’ will definitely be what will manage and direct his or her entire health and total well-being for the rest ‘30’ to ‘50’years. The entire well-being here includes every aspect of life, and amazingly the most affected organs for men are the heart, liver, penis and the prostrate. And the most popular five complaints of men are either hypertension, diabetes, erectile dysfunction or prostate abnormalities. While that of the women edge around fibroid, obesity, hypertension, diabetes, and breast cancer. It is therefore important to eat the right kind of food and drink the right kind of drink at the right time of the day. Let our food be our sexual enhancer, energiser and medicine.

It is a remarkable fact that the constituency of natural plant base is actually the constituency of the human body. It is therefore important for us to understand the dynamics of what constitutes a balanced diet and a nutrient-dense meal. Unfortunately, in our culture and many cultures around the world, so called civilisation has led to denaturalisation or denaturing of the foods and drinks that human beings consume. And this takes a toll on our sexual enthusiasm.

Food processing and preservation methods, which I believe were conceived for noble reasons, have suddenly become an impediment to the human race as far as health, sexuality and disease are concerned. Chemicals used in preserving our food are now causing myriads of diseases and sexual inability. So, anything that will constitute a well-being life is actually anything the sun shines on and germinates right from the ground.

What we eat and what we refrain from should be focused on total wellness, good sexual performance and healthy living. The strong fact still remains that good diet plays a very important role in the sexual and health equation.


Cannot orgasm, shed endless tears instead

 I will be forever grateful if you can take out time to read and find answer to my problem. The best stimulation that can make me climax and get a good orgasm is when my husband fingers my clitoris and vagina simultaneously. My husband knows that whenever he wants to get me to be sexually responsive in a wild manner, he does this a lot since we have been married. But recently I notice that I am not able to orgasm during clitoral stimulation any longer and instead, my body’s reaction is to cry with painful tears. This stems from the fact that while the stimulation is pleasurable, I am sensitive to the point that it also is so intense that it is very painful. Rather than an effective erotic massage, it gives me unbearable pain, and in this case, the pain brings me down and keeps me from achieving orgasm. Essentially the greater the pleasure, the greater the pain, until my body gets so sexually frustrated that I have to shed tears and grab my husband’s hands. Please I need help.

 Frustrated wife

The clitoris has an amazing number of nerve endings and there is often a fine line between pleasure and pain in that area. I think one of the ways out is to suggest to your husband that whenever he wants to stimulate you, he should focus on the area AROUND the clitoris instead of directly on it, because there may have been the possibility of tenderness over the years, since that is the major form of caressing and arousal for you. In addition, some nails-fingers and finger-skin are often a bit too rough and unkempt; so, it is also advisable for him to thoroughly wash and trim his fingernails and use a hand-softer lotion whenever he wants to finger you. Besides, he could use his tongue to caress your clitoris more than the use of his fingers. If he does, you will find that the tongue does not cause the same discomfort and you will even like it more. Then try using lubrication during foreplay as this is always a big help. If I may ask,  what is your husband’s massaging method? Is his massage technic too rough and hard on your clitoris? His touch would be a lot better if it was feather like touch. The clitoris is a very delicate area that needs to be handled with all tenderness and also wet all the time especially during sexual activities.


Do you advise me to have a hysterectomy?

Do you advise me to have a hysterectomy?  I am 47years, done with having children. My doctor and husband think  it is not a bad idea, but I want your sincere opinion, Funmi. Because for more than a decade now, I have been experiencing heavy, painful periods which has disrupted our sex life and my husband is secretly seeing and paying another woman for sex services, although I pretend as if I am not aware of it but what can I do? The man has been sex starved for long.  I’ve tried medications, but they haven’t taken care of the problem. Finally, will I be able to enjoy a normal healthy sexual life after the operation?

Mrs Falilatu Ogehene Ibruo


Inasmuch as the surgery can completely relieve many painful pelvic conditions, hysterectomy is not the answer for everyone. However, if you’re thinking of having one, consider some important issues first.

Before you decide to remove your uterus, you need to be sure your present condition is the cause of your pelvic problems. A lot of different conditions can affect the uterus and cause pain, bleeding, and other symptoms which may not warrant an operation. Surgery might help if you have fibroids  that grow in or around the uterus which sometimes aren’t cancer, but they can cause heavy or painful periods, in which you experience the need to pee often, constipation and pain during sex, or adenomyosis, in which the tissue that normally lines your uterus grows into its muscular wall, making your periods agonising  or endometriosis, a case where the tissue lining your uterus grows on the outside of it instead, which can cause severe period pain, on-going back aches, uncomfortable sex, and bleeding between periods or some form of pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) where the bacterial infection has  permanently damaged the uterus and fallopian tubes. This can leave you in pain all the time.

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