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No guilt about being unfaithful

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Dear Bunmi,

I’ve been in a serious relationship for close to a year now, but my problem is that I can’t stop cheating. I’ve always been a flirt and my boyfriend thinks I mean no harm by it. Recently, I’ve been doing more than flirting.

A few weeks ago, I even allowed myself to be seduced by one of my boyfriend’s mates! I know it makes me look slutty, but I felt no qualms whatsoever—he’s just one of the few men I’ve cheated with since I started going out with this guy.

I don’t understand why I’m being unfaithful to my boyfriend as I love him a lot. I just believe that since I feel no guilt, there is no reason to stop. How can I stop? I don’t want to lose my boyfriend who is the best thing that has happened to me.

Wosilat, by e-mail.

Dear Wosilat,

I don’t think you are ready for a proper relationship. You might love your boyfriend, but you’re obviously not committed to him. There are many reasons why people stray.

Maybe you’re attached to the thrill of secret flings or you’re frightened of being tied to only one relationship. You need to search your mind to see if you’re really in love with this man.

Your best bet is to let your steady go before he discovers what you are up to and be thoroughly disgusted with you.

Tell him you need a breather, then see if you can change your ways by considering your reputation and fear of STDs, especially AIDS. When you are sure you can be trusted, that’s when you’re ready to commit.

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