Hi!In the course of doing my reportorial business, I have met many categories of people, who have shared many stories and personal experiences with me. Some people just wanted a listening ear, someone to share their experiences with, which may be sad, happy, traumatic or whatever. Some others wanted solutions to their problems and were genuine about it. Of this group, I love those who involved their partners, it didn’t matter if the other party was willing or ready to participate or not. Their response and attitude would help determine which way to go. I am however wary of two categories of people; those who would tell you one sided stories that make it difficult for you to access the other side to give a true picture of the circumstance. Then, there are those who already knew what they wanted to do, regardless of your opinion, but they wanted it to seem as if you were the one urging them on. Somehow, it would give them comfort that you have heard them and they have been able to convince you that their decision was the best for their circumstance. God help you if this problem of theirs had to do with love, you may find yourself talking to a deaf or literarily speaking to a wall. For everything you say against their lover, they have a defence on their behalf, justifying and rationalising their actions.
And so it was with Nkechi, a very beautiful young girl I met recently in the company of one of my nieces. It was a chance meeting of sort and her friends, including my niece could not help but force her to share her experience with her cheating fiance, just to know if they were wrong about asking her to ditch the guy. Long before she finished her story, I knew there was no point counselling her, her mind was made up already, all she needed was someone to support her. This was a clear trait of women (I don’t want to call us victims) who end up in abusive relationships and with men who don’t really love or respect us.
Nkcchi (26) a graduate, is now serving her NYSC in Enugu. Her boyfriend, Bosun (33) an Officer in the Nigerian Army, and an indigene of Ondo state also resides in Enugu. They have been dating for over two years now. On a visit to Bosun in Enugu last year, Nkechi not only met another lady but received the shock of her life, yet she has continued to defend why he took such a decision. It was quite revealing and interesting for me, though:
“It happened last year when I was in my final year at the University. Bosun had been transferred to Enugu about eight months then. I would always visit him and spend some time. We had been going serious and my parents already knew him. He had also taken me to Ondo to see his parents and we had plans to get married after the service year, despite our ethnic differences. In fact, he had helped influence my posting to Enugu. It was last year, just before my final papers that I discovered that Bosun was having another affair. I had left for Enugu without prior notice to him when ASUU declared their strike. The inconveniences of the journey should have given me some form of premonition that I was in for some disappointment as we did not arrive Enugu until late in the night.
When I got to their Barracks, it was so late that many of the residents had retired for the night. At a point, I was afraid and almost called him on the phone, but I was also determined to surprise him. After much ringing of the door bell, Bosun came to unlock the door, only to stare at me in shock. “What are you doing here at this time of the night? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”ýÿ He bombarded me with so many questions while standing in the doorway. I was already getting annoyed. “Am I going to stand here all night because I didn’t inform you I will be coming? I asked tartly as I pushed my way into the flat while he stared after me, still standing as if rooted to the doorway.
Somehow I suspected that something was wrong because of his attitude. It was unlike him, he didn’t make any move towards me like he always did. I put my luggage in the living room and headed for the kitchen. Everything was so unlike him as the kitchen was sparkling clean and he had a pot of stew and some cooked rice. He followed me into the kitchen and stood by the doorway again. I made to get myself some food and soft drink from the fridge, while explaining to him what had happened on Campus. After getting my food, we moved to the sitting room to eat while I chatted on. He was unusually quiet and looked funny. I asked him if anything was wrong and he said yes. He told me he had company, a girl called in on him unexpectedly, so we would all have to spend the night together since he could not ask her to leave at that time of the night anymore, moreover she came from Ondo to see him. He pleaded with me not to create a scene, prostrating in front of me.
It was a ridiculous situation and I didn’t know what to do. A few minutes later, I heard sounds of movement from the bedroom and she came out. She was dressed in a white night gown and nice-looking too. I guessed she was older than me. At first, I was afraid, I thought she would fight with me. Then I said hello to her and tried to continue with my food. Bosun made the introductions. I could see he was really ashamed of himself and somehow I felt sorry for him. Adeola went back into the bedroom and Bosun tried to console me some more, but I told him he didn’t have to. I also told him I would leave early the following day. He tried to argue, telling me that Adeola would be leaving the next day too.
That night, we all had to share the giant bed as there were no beds in the spare rooms. More so, the sitting room too only had single chairs. I couldn’t get much sleep until the early hours of the morning. But just as I was drifting off, I was woken up by the sound of soft moaning. I turned to see Bosun on top of this girl, having sex right beside me. It was not something that I expected at all from him, so I was shocked. Of course, Bosun didn’t know that I was watching because I laid there very stiff and even numb I guess. And when it was over, I couldn’t get a wink of sleep till day break. I was deeply hurt, I felt that not only did he have a steady girlfriend from his own tribe, he also had no regards for me or my feelings. How could he do that to me if he loved me like he claimed. He still tried to stop me from leaving the next morning, but I wouldn’t listen. I had also woken up to discover that my photograph which always stood on top of the Television had been removed. I didn’t ask him why because I already knew. But I was happy that it had not been replaced by Adeola’s or someone else’s. I told him that I had seen his great performance with his girlfriend, and that since having sex with her despite my presence in the room and on the same bed, meant so much to him, he could continue freely with my blessings.
A few weeks later, Bosun came to see me at school, pleading. He said it was the girl who had seduced him and wouldn’t allow him to sleep. He said she literarily seized his penis in her hand, kneading him all night and asking him to do it to her. He claimed he wouldn’t have done it if he knew that I was awake. He pleaded with me and even asked my parents to beg me, though he refused to tell them what he had done. Later, he made another trip with a good friend of his, then finally another with his mother and brother. Eventually, I had to succumb to pressure and we continued the relationship. I figured if he could go as far as bringing his mother from the village, then he must really be sorry for his action.
I am now staying with him in Enugu, though I was given accommodation by my employers. However we are yet to discuss anything serious about getting married. Whenever I tried to raise the issue, he would say he was waiting for something very important at the office and unless that thing comes through, he was not ready to discuss marriage yet. He has even been persuading me to go for my Masters, insisting that young people don’t stop at first Degrees anymore, but add post graduate Diplomas and second Degrees to it. He said going for a Masters would do me much good and even make him very proud of me.
Every one of my friends was convinced that Bosun was plotting to ditch me, yet, he insisted he loved me and wanted to be with only me. As for the girl, I haven’t seen her since then and he told me it was all over with her, that they did not even have anything to do with each other prior to that fateful night. He explained that though they knew each other back at their home town, they had not exchanged anything between them not to mention love and dating. He said one of her brothers was also an officer serving in the state and that she had come to visit him but the brother was not in town, so she came to pass the night at his flat. He insisted that he could not have turned her back because of the fact that they knew each other and would someday meet again in the village. He however did not expect that the girl would do what she did to him that night. On why he could not resist her moves knowing I was in bed with them, he said it was either the work of the devil, or that the girl bewitched him. What do I do? I still love him despite everything. And just as they say, there is no relationship without its own peculiar problems. So, maybe this is mine! Ma, is it serious enough to call it quit? I don’t think so oh.”
For people like Nkechi, no amount of counselling can help. I believe the picture is very clear. In fact, colourful and bright. If only she can remove her rose coloured glasses and see Bosun for whom he really is. No doubt he will turn out a serial cheat with little or no regards for her feelings. He might even ditch her for another woman later in their marriage. But then, who is to tell what tomorrow holds. With love and patience, Bosun might still become a better man. Or what do you think? Do have a beautiful weekend!!