When your spouse has uncontrollable anger

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Having a husband/wife who can’t control his/her anger can undermine not only your well-being but the health of your relationship. However, dealing skilfully with him or her may transform your relationship. Here are some effective strategies to deal with an angry partner, writes JOY MARCUS

Don’t blame yourself

You need to believe that your partner’s uncontrollable anger is not your fault. Each person is responsible for the way they react to a situation. It is common that impolite people transfer their fault and anger to others. Although it could seem impossible but don’t allow your spouse’s behaviour affect you.

Ignore

According to www.goodtherapy.org, arrogant people are known to humiliate others especially in public or in the presence of people important to them such as parents, in-laws or friends. This usually creates endless fights and revenge in relationships and may damage the relationship permanently.

Be patient

However the situation might be, one can overcome any problem by being patient. This is one of the things couples do to bring their relationship back to normal. If your spouse is rude to you, respond with a soft voice and a smiling face. It will make them powerless.

Pick your battles

When you are in a relationship with a person who has an uncontrollable temper, it will be to your benefit to be selective of your battles. It is unwise to fight over every difference you have. You may win the argument, but ultimately your relationship may be weakened.

Understand the triggers

Reflect on what actions that may be the trigger of his or her anger and avoid doing it. The more aware you become, the less reactive and more constructive you will be. And it will reduce the tension in your relationships.

Create space

If you realise that your partner just wants to quarrel, don’t respond. Instead, take a step away to get some fresh air. If you don’t respond to him, he/she may stop.

Avoid getting offended

It is not easy to remain calm and not get offended while listening to harsh words. But if you recognise in your mind that he/she is wrong and not you, it will be easier and wiser not to get offended.

Give love a chance

It is important to maintain a positive attitude while talking, because it helps to express one’s optimism about working together to find a lasting solution to your issues. Thus, give yourselves the chance to make a difference in your relationship.

A hug makes all the difference

It is not easy but it usually works magic. If your spouse is angry and is insulting you and shouting at you, don’t respond, rather give him or her a hug. Tell your spouse how much you love him or her. This will make your partner respect and see you in a different light, even if they fail to admit it, your humility will always be in their memory.

Choose the right time to talk about certain subjects

Choose a quiet time with fewer distractions, for an important conversation with your partner.  Have a serious talk with your spouse, ask questions and talk about his or her temper. Approach him or her when you feel that your partner is in a light mood. This will help you deal with your differences.

Honesty

Talk about the need to be honest and respectful as it will help to bring peace into your lives. Learning to speak and live by the truth is good but tread carefully so as not to hurt the other person’s feelings.  Be wise and use your words carefully and keep in mind that you are trying to solve a problem which will improve the communication between you two.

Respect your partner

If you act in a respectful manner, it will set the stage for being respected in return. But if you feel that you are not being respected, then you should open up to the other person. Have a little conversation with your partner about it, because they might not be aware that they are hurting your feelings.

Assert your rights

Establish your boundaries and let your partner know what you will no longer tolerate. It’s one thing for you to be patient and it’s another thing for your patience to be taken for granted. In as much as you want to make your relationship work, your partner has to understand that they cannot continue humiliating you as they please, especially in public.

Stress reduction

Find time to relax and have fun without your spouse. Inasmuch as you love and cherish your partner don’t make him or her the centre of your life. Do what makes you happy, take a relaxing bath, go for a long walk, or visit a friend. Take care of yourself by exercising regularly, eating healthy and getting sufficient amount of sleep.

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